grace

     I never thought I would have to find out what it's like to be hated. To feel the loss of friendships. To watch years and years of familiarity torn down to shreds of nothing. Watching people I care about turn into strangers.

I've been cursed as a pathological people pleaser. I go out of my way to avoid conflict and drama. I hate them both. But sometimes, they find you. Whether you want them or not. And sometimes you have to make choices for the good, that end up burning bridges on the way.

Why do people hurt people? How do minor misunderstandings blow up into mountains of deep cuts, and aching wounds. Why do people hate?

When people show you they don't care, believe them. Move on. But never stop loving. It's easy-- so easy to justify anger, hate, disappointment. Hurt people hurt people. Some people are the sharp end of a razor that cuts anyone who gets too close. 

You can't help people who don't want help. And that can be the most painful thing of all. It's one thing to be hated, it's another to be hated by someone you care for. It's derailing. 

Every day is a choice. Every moment is a decision. What do you do when someone hates you because you didn't stand with them in their delusion and hatred? What do you do when someone lies about you and dismisses you out of their life?

I'm reminded of something. God never turned His back on me, He chose a filthy, sinful, selfish sinner like me and made me new. He constantly has patience with me, even though I fail Him daily. What right on this earth do I have to hold bitterness or hate when He has shown me unending and unconditional love and mercy?

What did Jesus tell us in Matthew-- "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you."

I don't deserve His grace, yet He gives it to me freely. What right would I have to withhold that grace from others?